Dark days of December!
It always seems that December, even with Christmas cheer, brings with it the darkness of winter. In our family we celebrate the Swedish Lucia Day, which is celebrated on the Darkest day of the the year (in Sweden). We wake early and deliver swedish cinnamon rolls to dad as he "sleeps" in bed. The kids dress in the traditional clothing of the day and we hum the Lucia song as we walk through this most wonderful tradition from our life in Stockholm. It is a day of light in a dark month.
Then, after the kids have dressed all in white, we rush around getting them ready to go to school on time. This getting up in the morning thing has become a total snag in our family life. My kids drag out of bed, sometimes taking 20 minutes from first awakening to actual contact with their bedroom floor (sometimes this is full body contact, as they try to find a warm spot on the carpet to continue their night's hibernation!). It is all mom can do to bark and snap them to order, rushing after them with babies in tow as they supposedly practice piano, make their lunches, dress themselves, and leave their rooms somewhat orderly. I say supposedley because it has been sometime since we've accomplished these tasks before the hurried yell to morning prayer just before they run out the back door and attempt to make it to their classrooms before they are considered tardy.
Well, this morning I kinda lost it. I began the usual wake up ritual at 7 a.m.-giving the kids a full 90 minutes to complete their morning "duties" and head off to school. Of course, as usual they didn't get their stuff done, but this was after much effort on my part to "encourage" them. That was it, I just couldn't handle it any more-as we gathered in our "mud hall" to put on their shoes and coats and say a family prayer I just layed it on the line. "No more extras unless you guys can get up and get to work in the mornings! It is so frustrating that you leave for school with me in a dither every day! I feel like getting a job and leaving you with a babysitter to bark at you instead of me! I didn't chose to stay home to mother you just to bark and holler all the time! I want you to think about it and let me know what you want! Do you want me to be home, and are you willing to do your part so I can be home without having to raise my voice in order for you to do the things we expect of you? You think about it and tell me after school what you think, 'cause I'm done being a nag at you all the time!" Then I asked Porter to pray for us all. He did; "Heavenly Father. We thank thee for our house and our mom. Thank thee the kids go to school. Thank thee for the mitten tree (a service project I've "co-chaired" with another mom at the school). Help us be happy. Name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
Then they went to school. Bryn was in tears, I"m sure at the prospect of my leaving for a career and sending a sitter to make her practice piano. Mason accidentally clocked Madison with his back pack and she left in tears too. Porter sat on the floor with a little whimper.
Not a successful morning. Definately a dark December Day.
Now, mind you-I'm not a screamer. I mean, I have a loud voice in the first place and I have certainly raised it with my kids. But generally I don't want to have yelling matches with them-and I don't think John and I have actually yelled at each other but once or twice (this doesn't mean we haven't argued, we just don't argue by screaming...) But the thing is, I don't want to become a screamer. I don't want this to happen in my life. And it is starting to happen-so what do I do? How do I motivate my kiddos through these December mornings in order to have order in this big ol' family? Any ideas would be gladly taken, especially if you've been her and done this with a larger family! I don't want to become a mom in December that is dark herself, because I think that mom would have a hard time shaking off the December darkness come April if she has those habits through out the winter . I don't want yelling to be the first thing I list on my resume!
So, Darkness in December-what to do, how to make it through. All questions I'm musing in these when the sun hides his head and goes to bed early.
posted by Katie @ 7:59 AM
5 Comments:
The only advice I have is move to California. J/K It sure has changed your brothers’ dark Winter blues. I hope he finds a way to live in a warm climate year round so we both don’t find our selves in the winter blues for 4-5 months. This is so easy to do in SLC.
I appreciate your honesty, humility, and need for change. My other advice would be go on a trip, run away from darkness for a week. Not really practical but I know many families I grew up with would plan their vacation in the winter to escape for a while.
I am sorry I don’t have any real good solution to this problem or any advice, since I am not really a mother until March. Just know you are not alone, I believe the whole valley of SLC feels these same feelings during the winter, and being inside with kids all day and having to nag the heck out of them.
Karen Wood letting out frustration
I remember what my mom would do & still dose she locks her self in the bathroom or she goes outside and lets out a big scream or has a screaming session. Sometimes she would have us all go out side and have us start screaming. I am sure the neighbors thought we were crazy, but it helped & most of the time we would end up laughing. When my crazy mother would do this us children usually got it, we stayed out of her way and did what we were told. I am not saying you should do this, just a funny childhood story of when my Mom would let us know she had it with us kids. Some of your kids might be bit too young to understand. We love you guys and are excited to see you all soon. Hang in there!!
Love Katie H
Katie,
I am glad to hear your a normal MOM and not the superhuman I thought you were. Raising your voice will only help them to get a loud voice. Instructions given one by one not as if they all recieved information by ossmossus.
After each child understands what is expected indivually then they are responsible.You check up on them and give praise (if possible) then you can have a calgon moment in the bathroom all alone and not feel guilty.
Sunshine really makes a difference you might try a sun lamp
or brighter lights and if nothing else a long ride and a piece of chocolate
I often wonder what the pioneers used instead of chocolate.
Know you are loved and not alone.
Grandma Read
What wonderful women we have in our life KT! I love you, call any time - I would be happy to take this kids, or escape with you!
Katie, I am there right now. I have similar issues. There is one thing that I have found that helps my kids be more obedient. I made a smiley face chart for each child. After they earn 10 smiley faces they get a reward (like half hour later bedtime, extra dessert, play a game with mom or dad, choose their seat in the car, special craft project, etc.)After 30 or 40 smileys, they get a special one on one time with mom or dad (like a date, dinner, hit golf balls off the tee, throw snowballs, go for a bike ride, etc) I give smileys for whatever thing I feel like. (Going right to sleep at night, getting right up in the morning, playing nicely together, doing chores speedily.) It works wonders! And it works with all ages of kids! you can choose to have things that you always give smileys for, then sometimes just choose whatever will be most convenient for you at the moment. The most important thing to remember is to follow through. To set it up and get the kids on board, it is important to give lots of smileys in the beginning so that they actually earn some of the little rewards quickly. Then they are excited to keep doing it. I hope tht it works for you. It has worked for us; as long as I stay consistent.
The other thing to try is those natural light light bulbs. They cost more, but give better light. Good for when you have to be indoors with the lights on all day.
Good idea with the threat, bTW. I might try that with my kids. Good luck. You are my hero in the mom department.
i second all the feedback from the others. in my experience, sometimes things will work well for a while, but then they just seem to fizzle out, and that's when i realize we need a new "gimmic" to remotivate and keep life fresh and interesting. we've used the sticker charts. we've used nickles (but we only have 2 kids so we could afford that one...especially as we don't pay an allowance). in my experience your grandma read's advice of clear expectations and consistently catching them doing "good" is far more motivating than any other method. I still remember once as a kid that my mom made a big deal one night of presenting me with a homemade Blue Ribbon award that had a candy bar attached to it for the "best made bed of the day". She'd never announced a contest, nor had she ever done anything like that before. I was so BEYOND excited at the happy surprise, i went and totally scrutinized my bed to see what i'd done differently...so I could replicate it and get another candy bar the next day. i never got another one for making my bed, but i sure kept trying to make it look great just in case.
As for the getting out of bed matter, i can't help you there. my kids are just odd--they get up super early BECAUSE THEY WANT TO (we're talking 5 or 5:30 a.m. every day. School starts at 9:05 a.m.)
Once last month we were setting the alarm, and Brandon said "how come Bonnie always gets to choose what time it rings?" and Brad replied "the person getting up earliest gets to set the time, but you don't have to get up then, you can still sleep in."
Brandon replied, "fine, I want to get up at 3 a.m.". Brad said "that's too early".
"4:00" said Brandon.
"How about 6:00, because you've had a bit of a cold and probably need a little more rest."
"5:30 PLEASE!!!!" begged Brandon, so he relented.
I simply don't know where these two came from. They MUST have been switched some how. Oh wait, maybe they're 100% their father's children. Yeah, that's a better explanation! ;-)
I'm enjoying your blog katie. I can't believe you have managed to keep it up with all that you have going on in your life. just thought of you today...was looking through my FHE lessons that we made back in Chicago, and found the one you did for the group. Good times!
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